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Getting Help From Your Adoptive Parents and Family-Part 2

Getting Help From Adoptive Parents

In our previous post: Getting Help From Your Adoptive Parents and Family, we mentioned that if your adoptive family members are willing to help you with your search for your birth mother, by all means approach them and obtain as much detail as possible!  Write a list of everything you want to cover.  At the very minimum you’ll want to ask…

  1. Why did my birth mother give me up?
  2. What were the ages of my birth parents?  Dates of birth?
  3. Where were my birth parents born, and where did they reside at the time of my adoption?
  4. Were they from the same area where I was born?  Name of hospital where I was born?
  5. What are the nationalities of my birth parents?  Were my grand parents living?
  6. Educational background of my birth parents and grand parents?
  7. Occupation(s) and social history of birth parents and grand parents?  Any siblings?
  8. Were my birthparents married, divorced?  Previous marriages?
  9. Religion of birth parents?
  10. Was I in a foster home?  How long?  Who were my foster parents?
  11. How long between my relinquishment and placement?
  12. Was my mother in a maternity home?  Did she see and hold me?  Was she counseled before/after delivery or signing?  Color of parent’s hair/eyes?  Their height/weight?
  13. Did my birthparents have brothers/sisters?  What ages?  Birthmother’s first name and initial?  Birthfather’s?
  14. Did she name me?  What name?  Were my birth parents active in school activities?  What kind?
  15. How much did I weigh at birth?  Has my birthmother or any birth family member ever contacted you?  Do you have any letters, photos, or mementos?
  16. Name of social worker who handled my placement?  Date adoption was finalized?   What court(s) initiating, finalizing?
  17. Do you have a copy of my family decree for adoption? If not, what legal proof did you have to show that you were my parents?

Your interview may go in many directions.  You may be told something that surprises you, and you may forget to ask everything that you had planned.  So, be sure to cover all the questions that you have on your list.  Just remember this very important fact:  YOUR ADOPTING PARENTS AND/OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS MAY KNOW MORE ABOUT YOUR ADOPTION THAN THEY CARE TO REVEAL.  So, you may have to question them more than once.  Do whatever it takes to get all the facts. If you don’t believe that you will get much co-operation from your adoptive family, you’ll have to use a different tactic.  Over time, casually approach your family members and ask for small tidbits of information about your past.  Make sure you do this over a period of time, not all at once!  We know that it will be stressful to not ask for everything right away, but you have to remain patient. You can’t appear to be asking for information that will allow you to find your birth mother.  Just act mildly curious–interested about your roots or medical background.  Remember, you only need a minimal amount of identifying information to complete a successful search!  Please read our prior post:  Birth Mother Search – Obtaining Necessary Identifying Information.

Find Your Birth Family

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  1. Debra says:

    My mother went on a blind(double)date in October,November of 1956 with a friend named Ann & her boyfriend. My mother’s date was a friend of Anns’ boyfriend. The date ended at a place called blueberry hill(yes really) in Old Orchard Beach (OOB),ME. Months later she found out she was pregnant. MY mother was 18 and her name was Mildred Dixon, I believe my father was 19. I was born in June 1957 a month early. When I was pregnant with my first child my mother finally told me what my fathers name was(Russell Stover) he lived in Biddeford,ME at the time of their date(at least thats what she said). I didn’t know I was adopted by my father until I was 10(because the man I knew as my father did something to me that a person can get arrested for)anyway although mom told me that he was my adopted father she would never tell me my real father’s name. I was one month shy of my 20th bday when I gave birth to my daughter and she finally told me his name, and also told me he had past away. She also told me that he had married and had 5 kids. I am not sure how much of what she told me is true(other than the date which I was able to confirm). I am trying to get info about him because of health issues for myself and my oldest daughter. I am 56 now and will be 57 on June 17th. I don’t know if my father ever knew about me. I have to think he didn’t. I don’t believe he was passed when she told me about him. I think she was afraid I would try to find him so she told me he had passed. I never tried to find him before this because I never wanted to ruin the life he had made with a child he may not have even known excised. My mother never saw him again after the blind date as far as I know. I think he was born in 1937. This is all the info I have about him but I am hoping somewhere out there someone can give me more info. I am not looking to disrupt anyone’s life or family. I only want info. Thank you in advance for any help.

  2. Erika says:

    I was born in Muskegon, MI in the year 1972. My father was African American and married to a German woman. My dad had an affair on his wife and I was told my real mother was a Puerto Rican woman who worked in the Apple Orchards up until she gave birth to me. They said she was working in the orchard when she went in labor and they had to pull her off the field to have me. I was also told my real dad and his wife brought me home with them from the hospital where I was born in Muskegon. I guess my dad’s wife might have adopted me. We do not talk so she will never tell me. We (my dad’s wife and I)never bonded, she never really wanted me as I was a product of my dad’s affairs. Even though his wife felt the way she did about me, she and my dad kept my real mother a secret. Just recently I learned that my dad’s wife isn’t really my mother and now everything makes sense to me as to why she had been so cold to me while I was growing up. My dad has recently passed and my aunt (my dad’s sister) has told me the truth. I want to know who my real mom is. I grew up in Grand Rapids, MI and think my real mom might have been working in the apple fields in or near Muskegon, MI. Please if you have any information or if you are my birth mom, please contact me. I do not want to disturb any one’s life but I really feel like I need to know things about my real mom and if we could get to know one another that would make me very happy. I don’t think she ever forgot about me. How could she when she carried me for 9 months. She must have had horrible heartburn during her pregnancy because I was born with a lot of hair. And I think I look like her because I don’t look much like my dad.

  3. Karyss says:

    I’ve been trying to find my mum and my brothers since I was 7 and I am trying hard I’ve gone on evry website evry day